I’ve taken to binge watching a show called Quantico on Netflix. It’s fascinating. It’s only one season so far, but I think I might know who the bad guy is. It’s really interesting. But why am I binge watching a random show that I have never had any interest in before now? I need an excuse not to leave my room other than a slight cold that I’m fighting.
Growing up, there were a lot of days that I felt alone. Even into college, there were many days I felt alone. I hadn’t felt that in almost a year though. Between friends I’d made and just different things going on, I didn’t feel lonely. Not like this.
But I suppose that’s because what I feel right now isn’t necessarily loneliness, it’s betrayal. The other day my roommate, who is arguably one of my best friends, her boyfriend came to stay with us for the long weekend. I was figuring we’d all hang out, that kind of thing like my roommate said we would. Then he gets here Friday and acts like a jerk most of the day. However, it all came to a head at about 10:45 Friday night. I’d had enough and called him out ever so slightly and he freaked. He started screaming at me. He said things to me that no one should say to another person. And she let him. She was more upset that he and I didn’t get along. While I kind of understand, it hurt that she didn’t say anything to him about it. I got up Saturday morning and no one said a word to me. She was in the shower when I left and her boyfriend said nothing as I walked passed. They said nothing when they came back late last night. I met them at church this morning, he didn’t say a word to me and I had to ask her to ask him to be quiet. In church. Neither of them have said a word to me otherwise.
It’s hard when the person you thought was one of your best friends suddenly ignores you for a jerk of a boyfriend. I haven’t gotten a chance to speak to her alone either. It’s hard. I’m thankful for my guy friends that live next door that were willing to let me crash on their couch all day yesterday and then let me know when my roommate and her boyfriend left.
Some Sundays aren’t great. You have to deal with people who you may not want to deal with. You may feel slightly betrayed by someone you thought you could trust. You may have a crappy cold to go with it all. But at the end of the day, God is good. I am more than alive. I have family at home that won’t leave me even if I cannot stand them sometimes.
I need to go. They just got back and my bedroom door is still open. Remember folks, life isn’t easy. Life isn’t fair. Anxiety is making this worse and I know it. So, I’m going to do what I always do. Take something to help me sleep (anxiety-related insomnia), turn up my music (because music legitimately helps). and then sleep. Sleep always seems to help. And if it also keeps me away from the people currently in my apartment then so be it.
Hope your Sundays are going better than mine. Chins up, fellow bloggers. Tomorrow will be better. And if it’s not, the next day will be.