You know, lately I’ve been dealing with the feeling of being second best. The second choice for everyone and I’m not okay with that. I deserve to not be second, third, or last choice for everyone. But I think I’ve been looking at it wrong. I can’t change people. However, I can be my own first choice. I have to be. My mental health is more important than being worried about what other people think/do.
I have to be enough for me. I will never be enough for anyone else and I’m starting to accept that. But no one will ever be enough for me either, I know that and I have known that. But I think if I can be confident enough that I am my own first choice, I can be less concerned with everyone else. I can be okay being on my own. I mean, I know everyone needs human contact, otherwise prison isolation is useless, but I can be okay on my own. I’ve come to terms with being perpetually single, but being my own best friend is new.
My support system, my best friend, heck, most of my friends are back home, a thousand miles away. Most of my friends down here have proven to me that they cannot be trusted to be my friend if I need them. So for me, even though I have my people back home, I have to be my own best friend for now. And I think that helps. I think it will help me to be my own first choice. I don’t need to be anyone else’s. I just hope they understand when they aren’t my first choice either.