Happy Friday. The anxiety is definitely a little worse the last two days. Yesterday was my twenty-first birthday and to be honest, it was one of the first times I have not been excited for my birthday. I didn’t really feel like doing anything. I kind of just wanted to go to bed. I woke up to two people wishing me happy birthday, then nothing. I heard from about 15 people all day, including people that I saw in person, and I know that’s a lot compared to a lot of people, but it’s hard when everyone who has had a birthday lately gets forty Happy Birthday wishes on Facebook, or whose friends throw a party for them, or who get to be with people who genuinely care about them. I had one friend straight up decide not to come out with us cuz he wanted to go drink with other people, two who kind of ignored me the whole night, and two that actually wanted to be there. I mean I’m thankful for those two, but it doesn’t make it any easier. It’s disappointing because I love birthdays. I love birthdays. I always post stuff on other peoples’ Facebook pages on their birthdays or call or text or something. And most of them couldn’t bother to even text it to me. It just hurts a little when I do so much for so many people and they can’t bother to even tell me Happy Birthday. Again, it’s not like it’s a huge deal, and my birthday is over so I’m ok, but it’s hard when your friends don’t care even when you put time into celebrating their things. It sucks.
But I also found out for sure, though she hasn’t told me, that my roommate is looking for a job elsewhere after she graduates next week. And she wonders why I don’t trust her. Ah well.
It’s just that thing after thing happens and no one here seems to care. At least I’ve got my family back home. I’m excited to go home in a few days and not deal with any of these peoples’ crap.
I think what I need is a nap and a hug. Actually, I think that’s what most people need. But anyway. I’m going to go find food and then sleep cuz I slept about three hours last night. And no, I didn’t drink on my twenty-first birthday cuz I had a final this morning and needed to study (I still failed the final and the class, but I put the time and effort in not to).